Unfair Judgements on Child-Free Women

Until I married my husband, I was child-free. Because of him, I have two great stepchildren. Granted they’re not with us full-time, that still makes me a stepmother with certain responsibilities. Further, I’ll be popping out a baby in a few months, so I’ll definitely not be child-free.

At 31, I didn’t have children for several reasons. For traditional reasons, I wanted to be in the right relationship and in a loving marriage, but I wasn’t in any rush to get into one. So yes, I was child-free and often heard ignorant comments (if not directed at me, directed at some of my other child-free friends), some of which are mentioned in this Big Think article :

  1. “It must be nice to have all the free time and disposable income in the world.”
    Just because I don’t have any children, it doesn’t mean I don’t have other obligations or priorities that I’ve set for myself. If free time and disposable income are so important to you, maybe you shouldn’t have had kids.
  2.  

  3. “You think you’re tired? You don’t know what tired is.”
    Thank you for letting me know that I’m incapable of feeling tired.
  4.  

  5. “Now that I have children, my life has true meaning!”
    Really? Maybe you should have addressed your issue of self-worth prior to having children. No one should rely on having children in order to find meaning in their lives.
  6.  

  7. “It must be nice to have the time and effort to worry about your looks.”
    Who ever said you, as a mother, can’t look good? Don’t use your child as an excuse.
  8.  

  9. “That’s a shame. You might regret it.”
    So what if the woman regrets it? She made the decision herself. She’s well aware of how consequences work.
  10.  

  11. “But you would be such a great mom!”
    That is such flawed logic. Kindhearted, caring women can apply their skills and qualities elsewhere. They don’t have to be mothers just because they’d be good at it.
  12.  

  13. “Don’t wait too long.”
    She’s not waiting. She just doesn’t want kids. The end.
  14.  

  15. “You’d better hurry up and give your husband a child before he finds someone who will.”
    I honestly heard this and I thought it was the most ridiculous perception of what marriage meant.
  16.  

  17. “Aren’t you worried there’ll be no one to look after you when you’re old?”
    All that money saved by not having a kid can be spent on their very own caregivers, who can treat them better than some children treat their own parents. Nothing to worry about there.

I’ve always wanted children, for my own reasons. That said, others can rightfully choose the opposite. Who are we to judge?

3 thoughts on “Unfair Judgements on Child-Free Women

  1. Well written, I was recently reminded of these same issues for different reasons, women, or more accurately, couples that are unable to have children.

    Specifically when said, out loud with others within hearing range, “You can’t have kids? Want mine?”

    I hope some ignoramuses read this and reconsider their inconsiderate babble.

    Anon

  2. These are all so true. My partner and i have long decided to be child-free and it was a team decision for us.

    We are not yet married and me as a woman had been hearing all these rantings.

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