Bicycle Safety
Published September 2, 2009 @ 14:29 in My Rules
OK. Bicycle Safety 101 - WEAR A HELMET!!!
This may make me unpopular, but I am so annoyed at the news coverage about the events in Yorkville earlier this week. I've lost count of the number of times I have been sworn at, yelled at, or had my vehicle banged on by a bicycle courier driving around downtown Toronto. I am safe driver. I don't change lanes erratically. I always indicated. I check blind spots, and give all vehicles on the road - cars, vans, trucks and bikes, lots of room. However, that doesn't seem to stop most cyclists in Toronto from believing that they are somehow above the laws that govern vehicle traffic, and most don't mind weaving in and out, and using intimidation for perceived slights.
Listen, I have nothing against cyclists, and I am trying hard not to lump them all together. I have seen wonderful cyclists who wear proper gear (helmets, reflective tape), stay to the right side of the road, obey traffic laws while be better for the environment than cars. And I have witnessed many terrible drivers who break laws and are dangerous. However, I have seen too many bad cyclists with entitlement issues to ignore them as a big part of the cyclist / motorist wars in this city.
Is it dangerous being a bicycle courier? I am sure it is. How many of them wear helmets? I don't know the details, but was this individual wearing a helmet? My kids know not to get on a bike without one, but every day we see adult cyclists, weaving around cars, racing through red lights and stop signs, cutting up on to sidewalks, not wearing helmets.
I have never seen a cyclist stopped from going through a red light or a stop sign, nor for riding on the sidewalk (last summer Daughter was almost run down on the sidewalk by a speed cyclist - with no helmet; I was almost run a few weeks ago crossing at a green light by a cyclist.)
Son One has heard the story on the news, and is asking a lot of questions. I am not a Liberal Party Member, and have no strong affection toward Michael Bryant. And I wasn't there - I don't know all of the details.
However, here are some things I believe:
- Drivers need to share the road with cyclists
- Drivers need to be aware that bicycles are smaller, and be looking for them at lane changes and turns
- Cyclists need to always wear helmets
- Cyclists need to obey all road laws, like stop signs, red lights, stay off the sidewalk, indicate turns, not pass on the inside of a right turning vehicle, etc.
I've explained to my kids how careful they need to be cycling. They all love their bicycles and go for regular rides. There is this animosity in Toronto between downtown motorists and cyclists - and Toronto City Council doesn't help. I am sure both motorists and cyclists alike will be following this story.
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Pet Peeves - Driving in Toronto
Published July 23, 2009 @ 09:16 in My Rules
I am not a frequent downtown Toronto driver, however this week the boys are attending camp at the ROM, so I need to get them dropped off at Avenue Road and Bloor Street every morning during rush hour.
Here are some of my pet peeves about driving in the city:
- NOT SIGNALING - what is so difficult about using you signal? Let me know if you are merging, turning left or right, changing lanes, or going around a park car. Am I just supposed to guess?
- PASSING RIGHT - Every time I come to a red light in Toronto, someone pulls up on my right and tries to rush through the light to pull into my lane before they reach the parked cars in their lane. We are all in a hurry - don't be so pushy!
- BIKES PASSING RIGHT - when I am signally to turn right, cyclists shouldn't be squeezing in between me and the curb on the right. Notice the signal? Yesterday I had one cyclist yell and angrily gesture because he had to squeeze between me and the curb when I was turning right. He was going straight. Idiot!
- CYCLISTS GOING THROUGH RED LIGHTS - OK. You are on the road, you have wheels, you are a vehicle. Obey the rules of the road.
- PEDESTRIANS CROSSING EVERYWHERE - I am really trying not to hit anyone, but we do seem to have street lights at every intersection. Why do you cross 10 metres from the light and interrupt the flow of traffic? Of course I am going to stop for you - I don't want to hurt you! But use your head.
- KNOW THE RULES OF THE ROAD - Remember learning about how to handle an intersection when the traffic lights are out? Treat it as an All Way Stop. Stop, and take your turn! In case you don't know - taking turns means that the person on your right goes first, then you. Most Toronto drivers don't even slow down when approaching an intersection with the traffic lights out. Trying not to show weakness? Come on!
- TAKE TURNS - Something we try to teach our kids, but somehow forget ourselves. When you come to a stop sign, stop and go when it is your turn. If you stop behind someone else, you DON'T get to go when they go, you have to stop yourself at the line. Whoever gets to the stop sign first, goes first. If you get there at the same time, the person to the right goes first. Where it is not an All Way stop intersection, people going straight go before people turning.
PLEASE! I wish people would just be more considerate when driving. And use their heads. We could all get where we are going faster and safer.
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Tattoos and Piercings
Published July 1, 2009 @ 23:03 in Amazing Kids, My Rules
OK. I am little conservative. I have one hole in each ear (done by my parents back before I can remember). No tattoos. No other piercing. Dyed hair consists of "natural-looking" highlights.
I almost got a tattoo in University. I had just started dating my husband, and he asked me not to. So I didn't. He later told me that he thinks they are trashing. OK then, honey. I married him, and I can tell you with 100% honesty and Husband has never had a piercing, neither of us have ever had a tattoo or tried drugs. Conservative? Maybe. I consider us fairly normal for our peer group.
I was out the other day with the kids. We saw a man, bald, piercings and tattoos riding a motorcycle. Son Two loves motorcycles. The kids never seemed to be phased, or judgmental, of radical appearances. However, about a month ago Son Two stood across the waiting room at Daughter's dance class and pointed out that a conservatively dressed Dad there had "holes in his ears." The dad couldn't believe that Son Two could see his old holes (from his wilder teen years, he explained) form across the room. I couldn't believe that he pointed them out.
Yet yesterday we see a biker, leather, ears pierced, lots of tattoos, and the kids say nothing. I tried to take it a learning opportunity.
"Guys, please promise me that you will NEVER get a tattoo."
"You mean not until we are adults, right?" Son Two... he is going to be trouble.
"No, NEVER. Even when you are adults. They may look sort of cool when you are 20, but by the time you are 40 they just look weird and silly."
"So when I am 20 I can get them, and then get rid of them when I am 40." Son Two... for sure he will be the one to come home with a tattoo.
"Honey, tattoos are permanent. They don't come off. You have them for ever and ever."
"Uncle Steve has tattoos."
"Yes, I know."
Damn those relatives with tattoos! Both Husband's sisters actually have tattoos as well, but this is not something that I am going to be telling my kids. However, given that they will see them in bathing suits this summer, they will figure it out.
"How come he can have tattoos?"
"Because I am not Uncle Steve's mother. I am your mother. Besides, Daddy really, really doesn't like tattoos." When in doubt, mention Daddy, their hero.
"I don't want a tattoo," said Daughter. Yes! One down, two to go.
I know that Son One won't get a tattoo; you can even put a band-aid on him most days without him whining and crying and trying to run away.
Son Two, on the other hand, is one tough cookie. He could handle the pain. But I guess only time will tell if he decided to go for permanent ink. Let's just hope that if he does, it is a maple leaf because he is an Olympic Athlete!
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Daughter got her ears pierced! What a tough cookie!
Published May 17, 2009 @ 20:07 in Amazing Kids, My Rules
Before we were married, Husband I took a marriage course on the strong recommendation of the priest who was going to marry us. I think it was prerequisite to him performing the ceremony. We had already been living-in-sin for three years, so we wanted to do whatever we could to stay on his good side.
We both really enjoyed the course, and came out with a plan for our marriage - fighting strategies, mission statement, rules for our kids, division of household chores, the works! (I need to find that contract somewhere because I am pretty sure I didn't sign up for 99% of the laundry!)
One of the things we discussed was if we had daughters, when they would be allowed to pierce their ears. Husband's family is Canadian, CANADIAN, CAKE-CANADIAN, if you know what I mean. They seem to see a girl piercing her ears a right of passage for preteens (there was a letter to the Today's Parent editors in a recent issue saying how our girls our growing up too fast and their cover model child shouldn't have her ears pierced.)
I come from a more ethnic background. My ears were pierced before I spoke, so I know that I didn't ask for them to be done. I think in some cultures it is considered a way to differentiate between girl and boy babies, so it is often done around 6 months old. Honestly, I was never a fan of those bald little heads with earrings and those silly elastic headbands. Then I had a bald baby girl who was often called a boy, and I was tempted.
Husband and I had reached an agreement. We would allow our daughters to have their ears pierced (single hole - not cartilage) when they asked. We would not do it when they were babies, we would wait until they expressed an interest and actually wanted to have it done. I think we both thought this would come sometime between age 9 and 13.
Daughter must be an early bloomer. Friday night at 8 pm she decided that she wanted her ears pierced IMMEDIATELY. She asked, she didn't demand. And since we had already decided almost a decade ago our position, I said it was OK with me if it was OK with Daddy. Daddy told us to go ahead, but he didn't want to come and watch. I knew that he thought I would be home an hour later with Daughter's ears still hole-less, likely with a crying or hysterical little girl.
Instead, I came home an hour later with a little girl with pretty blue cubic zirconias in her ears to match her eyes.
I considered taking her to the local tattoo and piercing parlour (isn't there one in ever neighbourhood nowadays?) but my goals wasn't to scare her. So we went to Sherway, our closest mall. At 8:30 pm there was no one in People's Jewelers who could pierce and Mappins was recommended.
At 8:40 we arrived at Mappins, 20 minutes before closing time. The woman who helped us was AMAZING! She got down on one knee to ask Daughter her name, her age, and if she really wanted it done. She exclaimed that three was the perfect age to get your ears pierced, and took Daughter by the hand to pick out her first earrings.
This woman showed tremendous patience getting the location for the earrings just right. She starts with a marker, and then the special gun. I had her correct each marker dot three times. Daughter got the hiccups, and I thought we were in trouble, but they went away when the first earring was shot into her ear.
Daughter was a little surprised and upset by the pinch, but the saleswoman quickly grabbed the other ear and put the second earring in place before Daughter could think too much about what was going on.
PERFECT! Two little earrings, 25 minutes and $45 later. Daughter was stoic and determined. She didn't flinch, and never even considered crying. This is were my Husband's stubbornness gene really pays off - once my children have made up their minds, they just go for it.
I am still getting used to my little baby walking around with earrings. It makes her seem like such a big girl! I was so proud of how she handled herself, and I think she looks cute.
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How not to behave on a play date
Published May 15, 2009 @ 16:18 in Amazing Kids, My Rules
Picked Son Two up from a play date, and the mom said with, "Now I need to tell you something, but I am not angry with your son."
The boys were playing with some glue, and she left them alone for just a few minutes. Then my son came up to her and told her that they got glue on the hamster.
The mom told me that the hamster and her cage were covered, and she needed to clean them out. I felt terrible! I was also shocked and surprised that Son Two would do this, though I know how lines of right and wrong get blurred so easily with kids this age when one starts to do something.
She is the most adorable dwarf hamster - about 3 inches long and maybe 5 ounces. She had glue still in her fur, though she had taken her dust bath. Her back had glue, her belly had glue, and little ear was glued to the side of her head. The glue was non-toxic (at least for kids), and she is still OK today. I picked her up and she run up my arm with energy and affection. Sweet little soul!
Yesterday we tried to talk to Son Two about the incident, but he shut down. I tried again today after school. I explained about how the hamster would feel, how he would feel if a friend hurt our cat, and how our cat would feel to be hurt.
"Why didn't you tell me before I went on the play date not to put glue on the hamster?" he yelled at me. Hmmm... Good question. Maybe because I didn't know that they had a hamster, let alone that you were considering putting glue on her? Probably because it would take me days, or even weeks, to tell you everything that you are not supposed to do, and you would probably still do it! (Like sticking your fingers in random holes; I am sure that you've done that at least three times, and though I have told you not to do it again, and you still did it yesterday!)
I could tell that Son Two felt really bad about what he did and that he understood the it was wrong. He also promised never to put glue or paint on anyone or anything without permission.
The good news is that the hamster wasn't seriously harmed, and Son Two has learned a valuable lesson. I hope.
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Trouble at School...
Published May 5, 2009 @ 20:06 in My Rules
Today I got my first ever phone call from the principal at my sons' school. I may mark Son One's first crime in his baby book.
First she said, "Don't worry. The boys are fine."
Then she launched into her story. A girl from Son One's class was eating pretzels at recess (let's call her "Kay"). When Kay put the bag of pretzels down, a boy from my son's class grabbed the bag and ran away. The principal said that my son, along with a few other boys from the class, then ate the pretzels. As their punishment tomorrow they would all be staying in from recess.
I am shocked! Son One doesn't even like pretzels! I was torn between standing up for him and punishing the heck out of him for getting involved. Instead I just said, "I appreciate your call. I will speak with him when he gets home."
Son One has this habit of following other boys, even when he knows it is wrong. I explained that when his teenage friends decided to steal a car, if he was with them then he would go to jail, too. Fear isn't a bad thing, is it?
He was very upset when we talked about it. I know he knows that he did something wrong, I just don't know how to give him the tools and the strength to walk away. Son One thought that as long as he didn't take the pretzels, and he didn't eat the pretzels, he wouldn't be in trouble. How can you really expect a 7 year-old to stand up to his friends? I am trying to teach him just to walk away. (Next time he may decide just to eat the pretzels - if you are going to do the time, may as well do the crime.)
His punishment at home included no TV tonight, he had to finish all of his homework (due Friday) and he has to give the girl a bag of pretzels (that he will pay for) tomorrow and apologize.
His remorse has made for a peaceful evening at our house.
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What Kids Notice
Published April 6, 2009 @ 11:10 in Amazing Kids, My Rules
Today while walking through the underground on the way to the subway with Son Two, I noticed a man sitting on a little stool.
This was an older man, grizzly with a full grey shaggy beard and head of hair. He was wearing a normal-looking parka, but I could see his ass.
He wore white, fishnet stockings with faux garters, and a white thong. His stockings were footless, so he wore white ankle socks with silver flats. He was pretty hairy, and with the lack of butt in the tights, you could see everything.
As we walked by, I held my son's hand a little tighter. I could see him staring, and was a little concerned.
Son Two: Mommy - that man is eating ice cream right out of the container!
I looked over, and yes, he was eating from a two litre container of vanilla ice cream.
Son Two: He'd better eat it all.
The rule in our house is that if there is only a little ice cream left, you can eat if directly form the container with a spoon. The man had obviously just bought the ice cream at the ValueMart, but he did look like he could finish it.
This is why kids are wonderful. We can walk past a girl with a bright pink mohawk wearing what looks like an old wedding dress and they say nothing; but see a nicely dressed gentleman who happens to be bald and they yell out, "Hey look! That man has no hair!"
Or today, you see a man with his bum hanging out wearing fishnets, silver shoes and a thong, and they notice that he is eating ice cream without a bowl.
Either we are raising really non-judgmental children, or hopelessly unobservant kids.
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Fighting Irish
Published March 1, 2009 @ 09:37 in Family and Friends, My Rules
What do you do about kids who fight?
It frustrates me so much that I want to get in the scrum and knock them all down.
It always starts out so innocently. Standing close to one another, someone's foot swinging back and forth with a little too much enthusiasm.
"Mommy! He kicked me."
What is it about siblings? Is it an expression of love? Trying out their limits with the safety of family members? Watch any litter and you see nipping, rolling wrestling. It all seems to be about developing the social order.
My Husband told me about a friend of his who faught with his brothers on the front lawn and had his mother turn the hose on them. I can't figure out if it is funny or embarassing.
So do we let them go at it and hope that no one gets injured? Is it a rite of passage that we should let them go through to learn how to work things out?
Or should we lay down the law and discipline those who step out of line?
I am confused. All I know is that I am still bigger than all of them, and could take them if I had to.
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13 Year Old British Father
Published February 13, 2009 @ 14:58 in My Rules
A thirteen year old British Boy, Alfie Patten, just had a baby girl with his 15 year old girlfriend, Chantelle Steadman. The baby was conceived when he was only 12 years old. If you look at his picture, he actually looks about the same age and size as my 6 year old. Alfie is about 4 feet, which is actually smaller than my 6 year old! (Use the link below to read the article and see the pictures)
This means I could be 6 years away from being a grandmother. Something is very, very wrong. Honestly, I guess I was a little ignorant because I assumed boys would have to be a little further along in puberty before they were physically able to reproduce (the article mentioned that Alfie's voice hasn't yet changed).
Few would argue that these children, because they are still children, are capable of parenting. Here in Canada our teen pregnancy rates have been in decline for sometime, and our age for losing virginity has stabilized. All good news.
I look at this boy and know that as much as he may want to do the right thing, as hard as he may try, he will not be a good parent. And then I think that somewhere along the line his parents fell down on the job, too.
Twelve and thirteen year old children should not be having sex. They are not old enough or mature enough to handle the responsibilities associated with sexual activity.
When I first thought about Salma Hayek nursing another mother's baby I thought, "yuck." But in reality it wasn't gross at all. A twelve year old having sex - that is scary gross, and yes, I am being completely judgemental.
Dad at 13
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Jesus takes the ball
Published February 9, 2009 @ 10:13 in Amazing Kids, Family and Friends, My Rules
We chose to send out children to Catholic school. We are not both Catholic, but decided that having Jesus in the classroom couldn't hurt.
We read the bible at home because the kids love the stories, especially the Old Testament. Adventure, destruction, good versus evil; these are good stories.
At this year's curriculum night, Son One's grade one teacher mentioned that they employ a certain strategy to resolve conflicts. They ask them, "What would Jesus do?" OK, so I laughed. I thought they were kidding. Then I decided, why not try this at home?
We have had little success at home with this strategy, but with very entertaining results.
Last fall after school Son One found a ball in the playground. It was a dead tennis ball, no bounce, so I understood why someone had left it there. He and his friends started playing a game with this sad little ball.
Unfortunately, we had to leave for a swim lesson. There were still four friends playing, so I recommended that he leave the ball.
"No."
"Come on," I urged, "leave the ball. We have dozens of good tennis balls in the garage. Plus, you just found it. Let you friends play."
"No."
"What would Jesus do?" I asked. Yes, I actually asked.
"He would take the ball."
"I don't think so, honey. He would want His friends to keep playing even though he couldn't. He would want his friends to be happy."
"No He wouldn't. Jesus would take them ball."
"Really, honey. I think Jesus would want his friends to keep anything He could give them." One of the friends is now crying and screaming that he just wants the ball.
"No. If it is was Jesus' ball, He would take the ball."
OK, now I know I shouldn't have gone there, but I did.
"Honey, Jesus died for all of us one the cross. He didn't even know us but He died for us. He gave us His body and His blood. Jesus gave everything He could to us and His friends, His disciples. I think Jesus would have left the ball."
"I'm taking the ball."
Well, Jesus, I tried.
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So, I yelled...
Published February 6, 2009 @ 23:18 in Amazing Kids, Family and Friends, My Rules
Today I hit rock bottom. I actually yelled at someone else's child.
I yell at my own kids daily. I am not mean, condescending or hurtful. I never call names. Actually, I yell the same thing every morning, but only after saying it six or seven times, "Get your boots and coats on and let's go!"
I actually find that they don't react unless a reach a certain pitch. This must be really bad. It probably means that I am yelling too much, and they are becoming immune to it. Hmmm...
Today I had four kids most of the day. Son One had a friend who for some reason was trying my patience. At one point after he spilled his drink, I snapped at him to put his toy away and eat.
I apologized to him. I apologized to his mom (who seemed not to see the evil of my actions).
I should have gotten a time-out.
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Mommy gets a time-out
Published January 30, 2009 @ 08:59 in Being Mommy, My Rules
A few weeks ago I gave myself a time-out.
I never had much success with time-outs for the kids. Maybe I wasn't consistent enough (the expert answer when any of their advice fails). I gave them often enough - usually for an offense committed in front of another adult who would surely judge my mothering abilities if I didn't discipline. I just never found time-outs particularly effective.
Until now. Time-outs are the perfect answer for me! When I am stressed and yelling and can tell that I am losing control for no good reason, I tell the kids that, "Mommy needs a time-out" and I go to my room.
I am thirty-four. Therefore, based on traditional time-out calculations, I get 34 minutes to myself to think about my behaviour. So it was 4:30 pm, and I told the kids not to come find me until the clock read 5:00. I climbed into bed and turned on Oprah to decompress.
4 minutes later, Son Two arrived. "I already broke the eggs for my omelette."
I guess four minutes is better than nothing.
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