Unfair Judgements on Child-Free Women

Until I married my husband, I was child-free. Because of him, I have two great stepchildren. Granted they’re not with us full-time, that still makes me a stepmother with certain responsibilities. Further, I’ll be popping out a baby in a few months, so I’ll definitely not be child-free.

At 31, I didn’t have children for several reasons. For traditional reasons, I wanted to be in the right relationship and in a loving marriage, but I wasn’t in any rush to get into one. So yes, I was child-free and often heard ignorant comments (if not directed at me, directed at some of my other child-free friends), some of which are mentioned in this Big Think article :

  1. “It must be nice to have all the free time and disposable income in the world.”
    Just because I don’t have any children, it doesn’t mean I don’t have other obligations or priorities that I’ve set for myself. If free time and disposable income are so important to you, maybe you shouldn’t have had kids.
  2.  

  3. “You think you’re tired? You don’t know what tired is.”
    Thank you for letting me know that I’m incapable of feeling tired.
  4.  

  5. “Now that I have children, my life has true meaning!”
    Really? Maybe you should have addressed your issue of self-worth prior to having children. No one should rely on having children in order to find meaning in their lives.
  6.  

  7. “It must be nice to have the time and effort to worry about your looks.”
    Who ever said you, as a mother, can’t look good? Don’t use your child as an excuse.
  8.  

  9. “That’s a shame. You might regret it.”
    So what if the woman regrets it? She made the decision herself. She’s well aware of how consequences work.
  10.  

  11. “But you would be such a great mom!”
    That is such flawed logic. Kindhearted, caring women can apply their skills and qualities elsewhere. They don’t have to be mothers just because they’d be good at it.
  12.  

  13. “Don’t wait too long.”
    She’s not waiting. She just doesn’t want kids. The end.
  14.  

  15. “You’d better hurry up and give your husband a child before he finds someone who will.”
    I honestly heard this and I thought it was the most ridiculous perception of what marriage meant.
  16.  

  17. “Aren’t you worried there’ll be no one to look after you when you’re old?”
    All that money saved by not having a kid can be spent on their very own caregivers, who can treat them better than some children treat their own parents. Nothing to worry about there.

I’ve always wanted children, for my own reasons. That said, others can rightfully choose the opposite. Who are we to judge?

28 Week Update

I made it fairly smoothly to the third trimester! It was just last week when my lower back started to ache, but that’s manageable so far.

Today’s appointment went well:

  • Glucose test came back normal
  • Fundal height (baby’s size): larger than average
  • Baby’s heartbeat: Good
  • Weight gain since last appointment: 13 lbs?!? (The first thing the doctor said when he looked at my chart was ‘what were you doing gaining all this weight?’ I laughed, thinking the same thing! He said it wasn’t typical and thinks it was a mistake — either today’s weight or last appointment’s weight. I thought the same, as I did not feel nor did I look 13 pounds heavier than I was 4 weeks ago. I went home to weigh myself, and according to my scale, it was a 7-pound increase. Phew. So,  it’s either a 22-lb or  28-lb total increase to date.)

week28

All has been good! I’m hoping for a relatively comfortable last trimester!

Assuming Hubby’s Name

In Ontario, to change your name after marriage, you can either legally change your name or just assume your spouse’s name. A legal name change requires you to also change your Ontario birth certificate, which is odd.

I’m trying to cross everything off my to-do list and changing my name was one of them. I finally got around to doing it today and although, this didn’t require much mental preparation, I was totally caught off guard for other reasons.

The Photo

I recently renewed my cards with new photos, so I didn’t expect this one. I had just come in from a brisk 15 minute walk and was fully winterized – multiple layers, gloves, boots, toque, etc. I was all warm and sweaty, my face was red, and I had bad hat head. I’m so [not] looking forward to my IDs.

The Signature

It never dawned on me that I had to change my signature! When I was young, I used to have a blast thinking of creative ways to write my name. And since I decided on my “adult” signature, I never thought about it again. There I was, at the counter, being asked for a brand new signature. Eek. I quickly drew one up, hoping I won’t hate it.

 

Well, after 6 months and that short ordeal, I finally did it! Name assumed.

Wrapped Maternity Top Pattern Review

As promised, here’s another Megan Nielsen maternity pattern review. Like her skirt pattern, this one was super easy. It took about an hour to cut, sew and finish. I used the right type of knit this time, so it fits quite comfortably.

megan-neilsen-top-pattern

Two lessons learned from this project:

  • Use a twin needle. Especially for knits, this is the way to go. Unfortunately, I didn’t use one, so my knit edges roll up slightly.
  • Use the seamless option of the pattern. I didn’t, and I find those extra seams add extra bulkiness to the wrap.

Here’s a short video to demonstrate how the finished product works. It can be a bit complicated :)

There ya go! I’ll be using this pattern again to make a top in another colour!

Eating Dates and Easing Labour

I recently read an article about the benefits of dates (the fruit kind) and pregnancy. A study published in the Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology showed that women who ate dates daily during their pregnancy were less likely than non-date eaters to need medication to start labour or to help it keep progressing. Labour was also significantly shorter for those date eaters.

I remember trying a date and not liking it at all, but I was at St. Lawrence Market and came across these:

Dates

They are Natural Delights coconut-covered medjool dates. I gave them a try and they are delicious! I have to admit, they are really sweet, but with my sugar cravings, they fit perfectly in my diet.

Even for non-pregnant women, dates have many health benefits:

  • Rich in vitamin B6, niacin, pantothenic acid and dietary fiber
  • High in potassium, which helps control heart rate and blood pressure
  • Contain polyphenols (anti-infective, anti-inflammatory, and anti-hemorrhagic antioxidants)

I also found this brand at No Frills (for much cheaper – $3.50/8 oz box), so I bought the almond-covered ones, and they were just as delicious.

It would be awesome if these dates do help in the delivery room, but if they don’t, at least I’m enjoying my new treat. To share my new discovery, I’ve been going around the office offering people a date, and along with me getting some pretty witty responses, they’ve been a hit!