Entry FeedThere is a sort of cheesy but true poem that you can probably find in at least half of your old school yearbooks:
Make new friends but keep the old,
One is silver; the other is gold.
New moms, you need new mom friends for your sanity and well being. Call it, "misery loves company" or "we're all in the same boat." Whatever you call it, you need support from those going through exactly what you are going through, like a new mommy support group.
Toronto Public Health actually runs New Mommy Groups, and I find that you can find some like-minded moms in your neighbourhood with babies the exact same ages as your baby who want to start a morning coffee group or a walk club as soon as the Public Health Group is done. BE A JOINER! There is also Gymboree for those moms who have money to spend and are looking to get out of the house once a week.
I feel like to make new mom friends, it is almost like joining Al Anon.
"HELLO. My name is Tania and I am a new mom.
I have this new baby. He cries, pees, poos, sleeps and eats.
I don't sleep. I don't need any more advice, however well-meaning.
I am a new mom, and I am just doing the best that I can!"
You need a new mom friend who doesn't frown or disapprove when you say, "when we are done nursing we should definitely go out for cosmos." Ideally, you want the one who says, "Hey! Let's go tonight! We can pump and dump and leave formula for our husbands!"
One of my closest friends is someone whom I became a first time new mom with. I actually met her while 6 months pregnant at a prenatal yoga class because we were both wearing our husband's Western University T-Shirts. We practically called one another first when we got pregnant the next two times, which is why all three of our kids are the same age.
I also love my hockey moms. These are the moms that I play hockey with, which luckily include most of the moms off of my sons' select hockey teams. Some weeks I see them more than I see my husband. We share a common goal (no - it is not to learn hockey, it is to hook-up with the 21 year-old instructor - duh!) And there is something to be said about learning something new at our age, like a giant weekly team-building exercise. We have great fun.
Finally, there are my "old and gold" friends. New moms - as busy as you are, or as much as you think that no longer have anything in common - DON'T LOSE THESE! You will soon realize how wonderful it is to have friend's who know you for you instead of as, "Matthew's mom."
These friends keep me real. As I spend 99% of my mommy life focused on the needs of my children, and being a MOM, these amazing friends remind me of who I am, who I was before I became a mom, and who I used to dream of being. They are supportive and loving enough to hear my mommy stories without cringing, and yet they can steer me to new topics of conversation with ease and get me laughing.
It takes a little effort, and sometimes a sitter, to ensure that you get to spend time with your golden oldie friends. But the recharge you will get is worth it.
Maybe it is just me, but I love my women friends (after a glass or two of Pinot Grigio I will be sure to announce that loudly). They keep me sane, grounded, and bring fun and laughter into my life.
Mommies - if you don't have enough friends to make you feel good, or to cry to when you feel bad, make it a priority to go out and make some. Talk to the woman sitting beside you at the park. Steer your stroller next to the other mom at Four-Bucks and ask her how old her little one is. Trust me. Friends make it all easier.