Entry FeedMy kids are 3, 5 and 7. I haven't had "the talk" and I am not sure that I ever will. That is what schools are for, right? Just kidding!
I sort of go with the flow of questions when they come up, and try to answer them as honestly and accurately as I can. I give little "bites" of information, and when the questions stop coming, I stop talking believing that I have probably satisfied their curiosity.
Also a realist, I know that Son One has friends with older brothers who will probably spill the beans before I know it. And Son Two will be told the details soon after Son One figures it out.
A friend, and ECE teacher, once explained to me that kids can only absorb and process information appropriate for their age and mental capacity; therefor, you shouldn't fear giving too much information too soon.
A great technique I've heard of to deal with questions, is to ask them what they think. "Mommy, where do babies come from?" "Where do you think babies come from?" This not only allows you to stall, but if gives you insight into what they know and how complicated your answer needs to be to satisfy. It also allows you to clear up any misinformation. Alas, always panic under pressure and forget this option.
Another alternative is the, "I don't know. Let's look it up!" Except that I've had three babies, and would look pretty stupid not knowing at this point.
Finally, you can always fall back on, "I don't know. Ask Daddy." I use this often, mostly to get out of changing batteries in toys.
My kids have questions, and I have answers. I am not answering their questions as a doctor, nor as a peer, but as a parent. This means I get to add my morals and values to the answers... I guess I won't know for at least 10 years what sticks.
When the kids were younger, we had the "privates" talk, and told them that no one was allowed to see them naked until they were 18. We also told them that no one was allowed to touch their privates, and they weren't allowed to touch anyone's privates until they were 18. Extreme? We'll see.
In the past year I've explained "periods" to my kids, mostly because they find the paraphernalia and are curious. That also taught me to start locking the bathroom door.
Last week, Daughter was curious about how babies "got out" of their mother's bellies. In the past, I had been lucky that the boys were satisfied with the, "I went to the hospital and you were cut out" explanation. After three c-sections, I even have the scar to prove it. That had satisfied Daughter for a while, until she decided to ask how her cousin and come out of her aunt's belly - no c-section there, though at over 11 pounds, it probably should have been! "Ummm...." I answered, "He came out the baby-hole. You have a pee-hole, a pooh-hole, and a baby-hole, called a vagina. He came out that hole."
Thank God she asked no more questions!
The other night the boys were asking about babies. Why do these questions always come to me when Husband is at work? I would love to hear his answers!
Son Two: "Mommy? Can Sarah have a baby?"
Me: "Nope. She is too young."
Son One: "How old do you have to be to have a baby?"
Me: "Well, girls can start having babies at around 13, when they get their periods, until about 45. But you don't really want to have a baby until you are 25 or so." (See - here are my values! Wait until at least 25 kids!)
Son One: "Can girls choose when they get pregnant?"
Me: (How the heck to I answer this one?) "Hmmm... Good questions! (stalling technique) Um...sort of, but not really. They can take medicine every day to try to make sure that they don't get pregnant, but you don't really get to pregnant just because you want to. It is a miracle. You can try to plan it, but you can't just make yourself pregnant."
Son Two: "Can you have another baby?"
Me: "Yes, technically I still can, but we love the three of you so much, we want to spend lots of time with you guys and not be distracted by another baby."
Son Two: "I want another brother and two more sisters."
Me: "That's nice. I love you. Go to sleep."