Entry FeedMy 35th birthday is coming up in a few days, and I already feeling tense.
Kids love their birthdays - there are balloons, cakes, presents, pizza, guests... what's not to love? Plus they feel older, which is a good thing when you are under 21.
Yesterday my oldest friend turned 35. My sister-in-law turned 39, and today another friend turns 45 (sort of my older friend chronologically versus the one that I have known the longest.)
All of these women seemed fairly excited about their birthdays. I think that I have cried for each of my past six birthdays.
I should be happy. I have a wonderful life - three amazing, funny brilliant and healthy children. A loving and supportive husband. A close and generous family. Amazing friends. My health... and my looks haven't faded that much yet. Yes, there are some greys and a few lines, but I am not at the wrinkle stage.
So why do birthdays hit me so hard? In my mind I am somewhere in the 23-28 age range. Some days I am 18, in my head. That is a HUGE disconnect to my current 34 (2 days away from 35).
I think I have a few missing years - maybe that is what is causing my birthday traumas. Son One was born when I was 27... for the next five years I was pregnant or nursing, or pregnant and nursing... Sleep was sparse and my life wasn't my own. I know in theory I probably aged at least two years for each of those "early" years with my children, but those years feel lost to me.
This Wednesday I will be celebrating 35. Or maybe I won't be celebrating... But I will be 35.
How funny... we share the same birthdate and this year each of us celebrates a 'significantly numbered' year (only 5 years apart). I will say in the last 5 years sometimes I do have to remember what year it is to confirm my age.. "If it's 2007.. then I must be 38!". Seriously. I'm not a flake but I think as you get to this age and your children play with kids who are plus and minus in age and their parents are all different ages too. You start to realize you aren't hanging around with people born in your birth year anymore. You're only as old as you feel (hahaha... see how I'm rationalizing 40??). Happy birthday tomorrow.