A Web Site For Toronto Mommies

Published April 29, 2009 @ 08:11 by Tania in Being Mommy

About a month ago I wrote about the crazy pressure we are putting on our kids. Today it is about the pressure we are putting on ourselves.

I live in a neighbourhood with a lot of really hot moms. These women are gorgeous! Thin, coiffed, and wearing heels to pick up their kids at school. Not all of them, but enough that they give the rest of us something to aspire to, or maybe something to hate.

After giving birth these women are hitting the gym to get "back into shape." Others watch everything that they put in their mouths, counting calories or points. They put pressure on themselves to look perfect, in turn putting pressure on the rest of us. Sure, maybe it started out with crazy celebrities that had personal trainers and chefs along with their nannies and baby nurses. But normal women are trying to look like super stars and making the rest of us hate ourselves and feel like dowdy Janes. The competition on the soccer sidelines may be greater than on the field.

Look - if you want to eat well and exercise - GREAT! What could be a better than to model a healthy and active lifestyle. But I don't think that is why these women are doing it.

There is this crazy, unrealistic, ideal splashed on every magazine and every TV screen. I once complained to a single friend about my "mommy tummy" and she said, "yeah, but you've had three kids!" I replied, "Maybe. But I don't want to look like I've had three kids." "Why not?" she asked. Good question!

I remember watching 8mm movies with my mother and sisters when I was a kid. My mother spliced herself pregnant out of the movies because she hated the way that she looked "fat." She was pregnant! My sister was almost 9 1/2 lbs! Of course she was big.

Growing up, my mother ate well, ran and played volleyball with friends. She was also one of the first moms to volunteer to coach our soccer and softball teams. I want to be the active, healthy mom - not the obsessive 'I can't eat that or I won't fit into my jeans' kind of mom.

Plus - I have a daughter. Girls are so susceptible to these body image issues that I am super sensitive. At home we don't comment on good or bad foods, though we do have "occasional" foods. I never say that my kids can't eat if they say they are hungry, though I have tried to recommend fruit as a snack. My kids are all happy, healthy and active. I can tell that at least one of them will struggle more with keeping their weight in check as they become adults, as I do. Not all of my children were blessed with my husband's lucky metabolism. But I want them to be healthy - not perfect looking.

It is hard. Our culture puts so much emphasis on appearance. My daughter has already been told by a female relative that she needs to stop eating if she doesn't want to get "bigger" - Daughter is three! There are also comments to my boys about how good it is that they are slimming down. They are big, solid kids, but healthy.

How can we expect our kids to grow up with healthy attitudes toward food and activity when we mothers are so crazy that we would do anything not to look like women who have given birth? I've lost count of the number of mothers I have spoken to postpartum who are on Weight Watchers before their babies are even a month old. Or the ones who brag about how their gym has great daycare and takes kids as young as 5 weeks! Who needs to go to a gym when their baby is that young?

My mom used to exercise when we were kids as her mental break - her time away from us to recharge her batteries. I run for the same reason, and it helps me feel good. But I am not running to try to recapture my 18 year-old body. And while I know that those yummy mummies on the soccer sidelines may be judging my frumpier mummy-tummy, I am trying to see that it is their problem, not mine.