A Web Site For Toronto Mommies

Published April 7, 2009 @ 17:40 by Tania in Being Mommy

I was so excited to hear Oprah doing a show on Motherhood. Usually I don't get to watch Oprah, though I love her, however today I had it all planned out.

I brought up three loads of laundry that needed folded and sorted, so that I would have an excuse to "slack" for an hour. After picking up the Son One, I got the three kids a snack and sent them on their way with instructions not to bother me unless someone was bleeding or the house was on fire (I know - more than a little extreme for Oprah!)

Upstairs in my room, I started folding. 3:58 pm. I turned on the TV and set it to channel eight. 4:00 pm: Intro. with Dr. Oz and some other guy? Huh? Blue zones? What the heck?

TODAY IS TUESDAY? But I have been planning on watching Monday's episode for DAYS!

I don't know how I missed it. I had it planned so well. The Oprah episode I wanted to watch was on yesterday. Really, if Oprah cared about mothers, she would run it everyday for a week so that we would be sure to catch it. I know - her viewers in the US all have TiVO.

At my computer, I watched what I could and read the details from her website. But it just wasn't the same! Plus I can't fold the laundry while sitting at the computer, so it was pure indulgence without even the facade of doing housework.

In case you missed it, the message of the show seemed to be that women are ignorant of the truth of motherhood until they have children. It is like this secret club that once you are in, you get. However no one will tell you the gory details of motherhood - you have to learn it for yourself.

Are we secretive? I don't know. I feel like I regularly share a little too much, not just on this blog, but my friends get even more gory details.

If you are a woman thinking of becoming a mom, here are a few of my secret gory details:

Your body will change. Not for the better.

You won't sleep peacefully, for at least 18 years.

Your sex life will change. Not for the better.

You come last.

You have to learn to hold your pee for a very long time, except those muscles are gone 'cause you've had kids.

You will lost all modesty.

You will never eat a hot meal again.

You will wash your hands so much the skin peels off.

You will get every cold and stomach virus that goes around.

Your workload will triple - at least.

You will deal with far too much bodily fluid. If you are brave, you can joke.

You will feel trapped and want to run away at some poin

You may want to hurt your children.

At some point, no matter how wonderful he is, you will hate your husband.

I know there are lots of wonderful things, I just thought I would dwell on the negatives today because the positives are so much harder to state. Besides, they are not nearly as much fun.