You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child
on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and
why his parents will always wave back.
~ William D. Tammeus
As judgmental as we mother's seems to be of one another (breastfeeding, natural child birth, schooling, pacifiers, potty training, discipline, daycare, etc.) I have to say that I have honestly never met a bad mother.
I have met mothers who do things differently then I do. Some very differently. Some I think are ridiculous, or crazy, or neurotic. But they aren't bad. They are, like me, madly in love with their children and just trying to do the best for those children.
I don't know if anyone is born knowing how to be a mother. I am the first to admit that I had better plans, tactics and strategies for parenting long before my first child was born. And then when I was hit with the reality instead of the theory, it all went out the window.
Maybe by having more than one child, I am trying to improve as I go along. Mistakes I made with Son One, I try not to repeat with the others. Poor Son One! I definitely make the most mistakes with him.
When Son One was a baby we tried cloth diapers. Oh yes! As environmentally conscious as that decision was, it tortured my son every night. He would leak through the two cloth diapers, the extra absorbent strip, the plastic cover, his onsie, his sleeper and the sheets. He would wake up to feed, and I would need to change and clean my soaking little bundle of screams, while I woke Husband to change the crib with fresh sheets. This happened at least once a night for weeks! I can't remember when we finally started putting him in disposable diapers at night, but soon after he started sleeping from 11 pm - 7 am. I quit disposables completely when he started solid food - it was really just too gross.
In the past, mothers were judged bases on sacrifices which they made for their children. Some mothers sacrificed everything, including their lives. Luckily, in our time and place we don't have to. Instead for us it often comes down to time, or trading something we want for something they need.
In theory, there is a plan we could follow to raise the perfect child. If we didn't believe that, then there wouldn't be a shelf full of parenting books at Chapters. However, in practice, just as each of us are individuals, so are each of our children. This dictates that each child has different needs, and we have to adapt to fulfill those needs.
The mothers I've met are all different. Some I agree with on some points (I am pretty pro-breastfeeding) and disagree with on the others (I can't see why you would go through the pain of natural child birth if there is no real benefit to you or the baby). However, every mother I have met, and gotten to know, and watched with her children, has one thing in common - we all love our children like crazy. And I think that is the foundation for being a great mom.
This week has been a nice, family oriented, do-nothing first week of summer. I threw out 4 large garbage bags of stuff from the house (thanks to the garbage strike, I can get rid of anything and everything since I am hauling it to the dump sites myself!)
Today I got some grocery shopping done in the morning, and some baking in the afternoon. We had a nice lunch of BBQ hot dogs and hamburgers.
But the kids (along with Husband) get up to the darnedest things... NOTE: Do not try this at home!
When I returned from the grocery store this morning, Husband and the boys were standing on one side of the street, while Daughter stood on our neighbour's lawn. The boys had hockey sticks, while Daughter had this nerf gun thing.
Here is how the game went: Daughter shoots the dart thing out of the gun across the road (only after Daddy has yelled, "No cars!") then the "boys" (Daddy included) have to try to hit the projectile, swinging their hockey sticks like baseball bats. Hitting it back across the street - 4 points; half-way across the street - 2 points; making contact - 1 point; and, zero for a complete miss. Really, this is the game that they came up with on a lazy summer's morning. This is when I realize that I really have no clue what goes on in the male brain.
For the afternoon, they had the slip'n'slide set up in the backyard. This is no ordinary slip'n'slide; it is approximately 5 feet by 30 feet. They set it up down the hill in the back; the inflatable bumpers have long since developed punctures.
(I was inside making gross molasses cookies to help increase the iron in our diet. The kids loved them. Just goes to show that you can make anything better with enough chocolate.)
Last summer Husband introduced them to "tobogganing" down the slip'n'slide. They take out their foam boards from the winter, and run jumping on them to slide down the hill. Last summer the boys actually perfected standing on the boards and they went down the hill. This summer they are taking the game a step further. One stands on the side and throws a ball, while the other one has to try to get the ball before he comes to a complete stop at the end. As far as I am aware, they have yet to come up with a point system.
Now the question - Do I let them play and have their fun? Or try to impose some rules and boundaries so that they don't hurt themselves or one another? Sometimes when they start making up these rules that piggy back rules which only they seem able to follow, I am reminded of that old McDonald's basketball commercial. BOYS!
Hope you and your family had a great day. We had a good one. Husband went golfing, while I made a cake for Daughter (a little late, but it represents her official good-bye to diapers) and a strawberry tiramisu for a BBQ at my sister's house. Red and White!
OK. I am little conservative. I have one hole in each ear (done by my parents back before I can remember). No tattoos. No other piercing. Dyed hair consists of "natural-looking" highlights.
I almost got a tattoo in University. I had just started dating my husband, and he asked me not to. So I didn't. He later told me that he thinks they are trashing. OK then, honey. I married him, and I can tell you with 100% honesty and Husband has never had a piercing, neither of us have ever had a tattoo or tried drugs. Conservative? Maybe. I consider us fairly normal for our peer group.
I was out the other day with the kids. We saw a man, bald, piercings and tattoos riding a motorcycle. Son Two loves motorcycles. The kids never seemed to be phased, or judgmental, of radical appearances. However, about a month ago Son Two stood across the waiting room at Daughter's dance class and pointed out that a conservatively dressed Dad there had "holes in his ears." The dad couldn't believe that Son Two could see his old holes (from his wilder teen years, he explained) form across the room. I couldn't believe that he pointed them out.
Yet yesterday we see a biker, leather, ears pierced, lots of tattoos, and the kids say nothing. I tried to take it a learning opportunity.
"Guys, please promise me that you will NEVER get a tattoo."
"You mean not until we are adults, right?" Son Two... he is going to be trouble.
"No, NEVER. Even when you are adults. They may look sort of cool when you are 20, but by the time you are 40 they just look weird and silly."
"So when I am 20 I can get them, and then get rid of them when I am 40." Son Two... for sure he will be the one to come home with a tattoo.
"Honey, tattoos are permanent. They don't come off. You have them for ever and ever."
"Uncle Steve has tattoos."
"Yes, I know."
Damn those relatives with tattoos! Both Husband's sisters actually have tattoos as well, but this is not something that I am going to be telling my kids. However, given that they will see them in bathing suits this summer, they will figure it out.
"How come he can have tattoos?"
"Because I am not Uncle Steve's mother. I am your mother. Besides, Daddy really, really doesn't like tattoos." When in doubt, mention Daddy, their hero.
"I don't want a tattoo," said Daughter. Yes! One down, two to go.
I know that Son One won't get a tattoo; you can even put a band-aid on him most days without him whining and crying and trying to run away.
Son Two, on the other hand, is one tough cookie. He could handle the pain. But I guess only time will tell if he decided to go for permanent ink. Let's just hope that if he does, it is a maple leaf because he is an Olympic Athlete!
I have two very smart sons. Please remember this as you read about their two recent T-Ball injuries.
Husband went to Canadian Tire (possible his favourite store) and bought the boys a new bat and "T" so that we can play T-Ball as a family. Saturday we spent the evening hitting the ball to my husband down and across the street. We live on a fairy regular Toronto neighbourhood street. There are a few cars. But we played there anyway, hitting from the corner of our front lawn across the road and down toward Husband who was our only fielder. There was only one park car hit, so we were doing well. The boys and I would each take two turns at bat, then Daughter would take three. I am not sure how that worked, but as they boys didn't complain, I didn't mention it.
Then Sunday Husband decided to take the boys up to a high school field near our home, while I took Daughter for a walk on Bloor Street. We passed the field on our way home, to be joined by Son One limping with a huge, bleeding gash on his ankle. I swear I could see it scraped down to the bone.
This is how Son One was injured. It was wet, as it has been many days this past week. And Son One was wearing Crocs. Husband set the "T" up on the cement and had the boys hitting to him in the field, taking turns of course. Then Son Two decided that after he hit, he would run imaginary bases. Fine. Then Son One decided that when Son Two hit, he would chase down the ball, then try to beat his brother home to get him out. Crocs, wet cement, and a wet plastic base attached to the bottom of the "T" don't mix. Son One came running home, touched the base, and slide on the wet cement, bare ankle on cement. He was still limping three days later.
Everyone came home. Then Monday I went to Walmart (remember the $124 shopping trip where I needed nothing?) Son One and Daughter came with me, so Husband decided to take Son Two back to the field for some more batting practice.
Again, Son Two decided to run pretend bases after each hit. His brother wasn't there to try to get him out. Son Two ran right over home plate. The "T" sticks up out of the middle of home plate. Son Two's legs aren't long enough that he can clear the "T"... do you see what I am trying to say? He bounced off and fell to the grass holding his privates (after previous day's incident, Husband decided to was safer to set up on the grass, even though it was wet).
The craziest part, is the that Son Two ran the bases many more times, running right through home as if the "T" didn't exist, and injuring himself a number more times before he figured it out.
I never thought of T-Ball as a dangerous sport. I am now trying to find them something that they can play were they can't get hurt; but really, where is the fun in that?
Garbage Day! As the city is on strike, we decided to make our own garbage day. Thanks to the hateful raccoons, I had quite the mess from the green bin to clean up this morning, so I decided it was time to visit a temporary dump.
First, I took the kids to Walmart where I needed one item: Flushables. OK, so I was running low on toilet paper and paper towels as well. And I guess I could use some Spray 'N' Wash since Son One's T-ball team has WHITE PANTS and the grass stains just don't want to come out.
$124 later...
I drove by a temporary dump site on the way home and noticed neither pickets nor a line up. BONUS!
At home we sorted and double bagged our garbage, recycling and green bin. Back to the temporary dump, the boys and I got to play garbage man by flinging our bags onto the big piles. The nice man at the entrance asked how many bags we had, and if I could handle them myself. It started pouring just as we were done our trash toss.
NOTE: They are not taking recycling at the drop-off centres. They want all garbage double bagged, preferably in black bags. And they are not separating green bin from regular garbage...
The kids really enjoyed the garbage adventure. And as good neighbours, they remembered the old lady next door and also took her green bin to the dump. Some days I really like my kids. Today is one of them.
Tonight Son One has a soccer game, assuming that the weather cooperates. Right now my three little angles are helping with laundry, and are all colouring together. I may just make it through the summer vacation after all.
Wow - tomorrow I am going to take a look at the calendar and count down how many days we have left of vacation.
Yesterday was Day Three of summer vacation, and we had a relaxing family day. Daughter was finally over her illness. We played T-Ball and went for a walk through the trails in High Park.
Last night I tried to introduce the kids to more "super foods" at dinner. I have decided that this summer is going to be about better ourselves. Thus the chore list. Next I cleaned out the kids drawers and got through some of my laundry. Next it is cleaning out the house and getting rid of toys and stuff that we no longer need. I also want to get the kids to eat better, and the summer with its cornucopia of produce seems like the right time.
We talked about good foods, and the kids aren't bad. Yesterday we had guacamole and berries. For dinner last night I made grilled sea bass, mashed sweet potato and sauteed spinach and corn. The kids ate the corn and the bread. Son Two tried to claim that he likes blue berries, but only ate half of one. Apparently, he ate three berries about 6 weeks ago so he thinks that he's good. Son One asked for cherries, but then when he realized that they weren't maraschino explained that he just likes the red ones.
Husband was home today, and the kids didn't fight quite as much as yesterday. Six loads of laundry were done and put away. House is a mess. Only slept in until 8 am.
Son Two was up at 7:45 am, and was lounging on the couch watching cartoons. When I asked if he was enjoying his summer vacation so far, he answered in one word, "Awesome!"
Daughter has the illness Son One brought home a few weeks ago. Fever of 104.2 F taken in the arm pit. Double dose of Motrin to get it down. If she still has the fever on Monday may take her to the doctor. No other symptoms present.
Bolton Tractor Pull last night was great, though heavier on the trucks than the tractors. These are really fancy souped-up trucks tractors - I am sure that none of them have ever seen a real field. Learned that diesel fumes won't kill you, but gas fumes do. An important lesson? Woke up with 4 mosquito bites. Damn. I hate bugs.
Currently, Husband is outside playing catch with the boys. He is trying to explain to Son One why it doesn't work when you try to catch a baseball with your face. Son One does not appear to be injured. I don't really understand what kind of game of "catch" they are playing. Husband just gave Son One a 5 second head start before he wiped the baseball at him and tried to hit him... The silly games these boys play!
Now Son Two and Daughter are climbing from the hood of the minivan to the trunk of the car. As Husband is the supervisor on duty, I choose to come inside and tell you about it, instead of watching someone get hurt.
As soon as someone comes in crying, I will start popping the popcorn and putting on tonight's DVD. Our feature presentation, "Inkheart."
Schedule:
Sleep in until 10:30 am - (yes, the kids let me sleep-in - YAY! Was woken up at 10:30 am because apparently they were hungry.)
Kids play in back yard while Mommy showers, and sorts laundry.
Establish chore schedule QUESTION? Should allowance be tired to chores? Or just to teach responsibility about money? DECISION - Will try to tie to chores to allowance for the summer. Ten week experiment commences today.
Bolton Tractor Pull - 6:00 pm
Boys want to go to a tractor pull. Have never been myself. Should be entertaining.
Sibling fights before 1 pm - 23 and counting.
Mommy has taken 2 extra strength Tylenol in an attempt to circumvent a headache. Didn't work.
Optimism that I will survive the summer with the three children is fading. Have Son One home for another full week before he starts any of his camps.
Need to figure out what to do with all of the *wonderful* school work that has come home. How long do I need to admire it before I can recycle?
Today was the last day of the 2008/2009 school year. I can't believe how quickly it went!
Son One started off the year afraid of the all of the work that would be required for grade one. I was worried that they days would be too long. He managed well, and came away with a few really great new friends.
Son Two started J.K. (I still don't think that he believes that it is really called Junior Kindergarten). He had some struggles, but also had some fun.
Both kids were completely discombobulated this morning getting ready. I honestly don't know how the teachers make it through the last day! Both boys had play dates after school but Son Two wasn't sure that he wanted to go. I don't think that he knew what to expect of all of the last day of school excitement.
I guess tomorrow their teachers are still in the building, to clean out their rooms and finalize the lists for next year.
We have ten whole weeks with no school. Now the fun really begins. I'll tell you one thing - I am definitely sleeping in tomorrow morning.
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